"JUST KEEP FUCKIN' DRIVING!" screams Ron.
Streaks of pain shoot up my right foot. I've been forcing it
down on the acceleration pedal as hard as I can for hours. I squint through the
sweltering desert sun, which bounces off the roof of my red Chevrolet. I power
forward.
In the back seat, they lie motionless against each other. We
had placed one of them middle, but she's wriggled out and is now draped over
the left seat with her ass in the air and face pressed against a floor filled
with cigarette butts, gravel and condoms.
"Ron! Move her up, she's slouching!"
Ron, quickly throws his cigar out the window, scrambles into
the back seat and adjusts her so she's leaning against the edge of the car; Her
head hanging out the window like a dog.
One day earlier
"D'ya think we'll get there with the money we
have?"
A long pause greets me, the sound of thinking. We're at a
gas station just on the outskirts of
Houston, Texas. Just spent the last of our money on filling up the tank.
"Well lets assess the situation Mark,"says Ron in
between drags of his cigar. Globules of milky sweat, no doubt filled with
nicotine, hang off his forehead "We've got twenty dollars to our name. Ten
of that needs to go on general living supplies... ya know, salad, spirits and
cigarettes"
We're on our way to Burning Man. I've wanted to go ever
since I was eighteen, but could never find a way to get there. Twenty something
years later I find a brochure, one of them cheesy, bright yellow, holiday camp
ones. You know, the ones with bright stars around them, like the people that
made it think the only way to grab peoples attention is through sweets and
florescent colors. Like we're flies. Anyway, on it is a fire truck red
Chevvy for half the price you'd usually get them. Now, I've grown up around
some nice cars, Bentley's, Mercedes, all that rich people shit, but never even
seen a Chevrolet in the flesh. So I sell my house and spend the money on the car and with
the left overs, I spend on filling up the trunk for me and my buddy Ron. Ron is
around the same age as me. A black pony tail, made up of fringe and the stringy
hairs from the back of his head, sticks out from his trucker cap. you'll always
catch Ron wearing jet black sun glasses and camo trousers. I say to him sometimes
"Ron? What you wearing them woodland camo trousers for in the middle of
the mall?" And every time he stares into the distance and says:
"Shut the fuck up Mark"
"Our tank will get us as far as Austin, but after that
we're screwed," Ron reminds me while tapping the map.
"Well we could sell something from the trunk" I
point towards a group of teenagers loitering on their bikes around the other
side of the gas station. "They look like they got some spare change"
"Yeah man, but don't we wanna save it for when we get
there?" Ron is always jittery about opening the trunk.
"I suppose man, I suppose"
We don't talk when driving; we recharge. Every hour, me and
Ron will switch and let the other sleep. I've been driving for about an hour
and a half, listening to some old koot talking about water filtration.
Every time I hit a bump in the road, the speakers stop
working. Until five minutes, I hit another bump, and they start spitting out
more noise. Sometimes, hitting a bump at the right angle will cause the radio
to become jittery. Then, I can't tell if it's music or someone talking
"Well you see now, Jose, you gotta make sure you got
your water flowing through the green pipe, not the red, otherwise you'll be
getting the sewage water in your mug of tea!"
Last sign we past said two miles until the next town, but
that was about an hour ago and i'm starting to loose hope in getting to Austin.
Being able to see the horizon, but not feeling like you're getting any closer
to it drives you insane. Like you're on a treadmill.
"To hook up the green pipe to your filtration system,
you gotta make sure you have the right spanner. Now, my favorite span-"
Thunk. I relish the silence.
The gas meter slowly vibrates towards the 'E'. Only a matter
of time before we're stranded in the desert.
"Ron" I say "Ron... wake up"
Looking around at the desert, you'd think that the air that
passes between my middle aged creases would be warm and cleansing, not the
case, it's biting. I've been dealing with it since Ohio. The convertible roof
top got stuck after Ron spilled a slushee on the switch which controls it,
leaving us attacked by the sharp wind twenty four hours a day.
"huh, whuh" Ron shoots up in his seat, ready for
danger.
"Ron mate, can you take your shift?"
Roaring through a yawn, Ron nods.
"Mark.... Mark ya koot!"
Let me sleep.
"Mark take a look at this!"
You know how you can't track time when you sleep? But you
can still tell how long you've been sleeping by how light you feel when you
wake up? My body feels like a ton of bricks. As I open my eyes, I realize I
must have been sleeping for at least three hours as the sun is nearly down.
"What?" My voice feels squelchy. Mucus and saliva
must have gathered at the back of my throat because of my sleeping position.
Ron looks excited, jumping up and down like a loony tunes
character on a strong dose of Ritalin. His pony tail smacks his sweaty back,
throwing up a light film of warm sweat into my face.
I wipe the sprinkling of sweat off "What Ron, What is
it?"
"Look" Ron points down the road. In the distance,
by the side of the road, a huddle of fleshy tones shimmer. A group of people,
holding a bright purple sign and waving it above them. We're too far away to
make out what it says, but from what I can tell they really want us to stop.
"So what you think?" asks Ron "Shall we pick
them up?"
I let out a long sigh "I just want to get to burning
man, maaan"
"Awww come on" Ron whines, like a toddler who has
been refused a trip to the zoo. "Come on man! we're almost out of money so
we could charge them, and besides... they could be girls"
He's right, we have no more money. We won't be able to get
the whole way there in the state we're in.
"They could be anyone! Think about the trunk,
man."
"Stop being such a fucking (scaredey cat)!" Ron
pulls the joystick towards him, aggressively switching down a gear. I can't
change his mind now.
As we draw closer I get a better look at our soon to be
companions. From the distance we are at now, we can see lots of exposed flesh,
and camping equipment.
"We are in for a treat" Ron says realizing they
are all girls.
Three of them, all dressed in tank tops and tight denim
shorts, hop around trying to get our attention. Apart from one, who bends over
tying her shoelace.
"Well what can we do for you young ladies?" asks
Ron as he slowly pulls the car to the side of the road next to them, lurching
forward with a cunning smile. With his sunglasses and wrinkly skin, Ron looks
like one creepy mother fucker.
The one on the far right skips up to the side of the car,
lowering herself just enough for us to be eye level with her breasts. Despite
the sweaty desert weather, her blonde hair shines with a freshly washed quality
and an ocean glimmer. "Oh thank the lord, we've been here for hours!"
Exclaims her high pitched voice
"No problem my dear, happy to help" smiles Ron.
The second girl slides up against her, knocking their boobs
together like a newtons cradle. This one also has fresh blonde hair. The only
difference between them is this one has braces
"I'm Madison!"
"Hi! And I'm Stacey!" Their voices squeak.
Ron sits in silence,
tracing their curves with his eyes. His attention falls to the last girl,
bending over, still tying her shoe. A cherry red thong stretching along her
waist above her tight denim shorts.
"You're the first car to pass for hours. We had no idea
what to do!"
"It's no problem" replies Ron, still staring at
the third girl.
"That's Jacky" Madison exclaims "Hey Jacky,
come meet the guys!"
I saw Ron reaction before I saw her face. It was as if she
was a malfunctioned clone of the other two. Same clothes, same physique, yet
with a giant slug of an eyebrow across her face and acne so vastly spread
across her cheeks it was like she had sunburn.
"Hey boys" Her voice was more masculine than the
other girls, and mine. As she spoke, I noticed her tongue's slightly too big
for her mouth, making her spit slightly with every consonant.
"Oh, h-hey" Stammers Ron, averting his eyes from
this monstrosity. He looks at me for help.
I rip my eyes away from Jacky and notice they have lots of
camping equipment around their feet, so I get out to offer my help
"HEY, DON'T GO IN THERE!"
Jacky has the handle for the trunk halfway turned.
"Go on, shoo!" Ron demands while flailing his arms
in the air and pushing Jacky away like a mange cat.
"Where are we meant to put our bags then?"
"Anywhere but the back" Ron puts bluntly.
I see that Jacky is irked by this, but instead of
complaining she just hops into the backseat next to her friends.
Before I can sit back down, Rob grabs me by the arm.
"Listen mate, I know it is my turn to drive, but can
you please just take the wheel and let me chat to them?"
He retreats his lips into his mouth and lowers his head,
pleading with me like a kitten. If he'd had taken his sunglasses off and shown
me some wide saucepan eyes I'd have melted.
"Fine!"
The sun is dipping below the distant sandy rocks. The once
yellow sand is slowly fading into a more sickly green.
Ron looms over the hot leather seats, casting a shadow over
Stacey who sits in the middle "So where you girls headin'?"
"We need to get back to Pickerninny, that's where our
college bus is!"
"Oh you're in college!" he turns to me in
excitement. His breath becomes erratic. "Well then what you doing all the
way out here?"
"They let us have a day of sight seeing" giggles
emit from the girls "So we hitch hiked out to see the canyons!"
Ron accompanies the giggles "And you didn't think you'd
have to get back?"
This is painful. I lock my eyes on the road, looking for
something to distract me from their annoying voices. The painted tracks wiz
underneath. The more we drive, the grayer they get.
"It's getting pretty dark girls" Ron says without
averting his attention "I see you've got tents. why don't we stop for the
night?"
A fact many people
don't know about the desert is that it gets bloody cold at night. Ron insisted
I gather some firewood for us, to keep us toasty. I don't see him collecting
firewood. Who needs a fire anyway, the alcohol's warming us up just fine.
Despite only having dry and dusty wood, the fire seemed to light pretty well.
It may have been my boy scout skills, or the fact that Ron smashed a bottle of
rum into the fire after losing patience with me, causing a long flame to reach
into the sky and near scorch the girls prized eyebrows off. I lost track of Madison and Jacky about a
bottle ago. But Ron seems to be looking after Stacey just fine, feeding her
vodka shots every other minute. Looking over the prairie, Jacky and Madison
leap and bound to the music. The girls captured the radio before we stopped,
putting in CD's from their backpack which are 'totally awesome'. Ever since
then we've had jack shit of good music, just annoying synths and lyrics about
breaking up with your boyfriend. Obviously we had to keep it on because of
Ron's game plan. It's alright though, we'll be at burning man soon, listening
to some real music, non of this teen pop crap.
"Yoooou don't know you're beautiful. Oooh Aaah
Oooh!" Jacky screams from across the desert landscape in her discordant
voice.
"Your voice is so amazing Jacky!"
God how did I end up here.
"Come dance with us!" You can never tell with some
drunk girls, whether they are crying or just talking too loud. Despite Madison
being a meter away from me, she shouts as if i'm halfway across the desert.
I begrudgingly accept.
"Guys i'm thirsty" Complains Jacky.
I quickly lost myself in movement, swaying from left and
right, following Madison's hips. I could have danced forever, if it wasn't for
the sound of the trunk opening. Me and Ron have developed a sixth sense for it.
As soon as I heard the clunk of the latch I sobered up and span around to see
Jacky drinking from a crinkled plastic bottle.
"Jacky no!"
It hit her instantly. Her face wrinkled up as it received
the taste.
"uuhhh" no emotion was in her voice. It was like
she had turned into a zombie. Wide eyes dart back and forth, sometimes flicking
behind her eyelids.
"Ron.... Oh god damn Ron come quick!"
"Oh god no.... The acid!"
She stumbles around in circles, caressing every inch of her
body, clawing at her flesh. Her hands are so tense the bones elevate from
beneath them.
"You stupid bitch!" Screams Ron "Do you know
how much money you just drank!"
Of course she didn't answer. I survey the bottle on the
ground. It's completely empty.
"Holy shit Ron that must have been about 30 hits worth,
what do we do? What do we do!!"
Without hesitation, Ron swings round and sucker punches
Madison right in the face. Crunching her nose and plastering it into her chin;
knocking her out cold.
"Whu- what are you doing!?"
"Get Stacey" Ron demands.
"Oh god Ron..."
"Get, Stacey!"
Luckily, Ron didn't expect me do anything to her, she's
already led out flat on the ground, mouth agape and arms outstretched from all
the shots.
Ron quickly reaches into their pockets, pulling out their
flip up phones. He quickly snaps them phones in half, tossing them into the
desert. "For fuck sake Pete, get Stacey!!"
"I just want to get to burning man Ron..."
"We're still going" Ron says as he slumps Stacey
in the back seat against Jacky. Madison leans over them both, trickling blood
over their hair. Jacky jitters around, screaming and spreading the blood all
over the seats.
"Come on! Drive!"